somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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