I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
COCAINE IS GR8
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize