My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
