i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
