Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
