Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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