Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
