I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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