Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
