You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
