rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
