Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
