my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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