why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
