Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
