You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
