What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
