I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
