Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize