Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
