they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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