Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she looked like the before picture.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
