i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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