i wish my penis had a tongue
fuck your aforementioned shoe
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
