dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
