Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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