He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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