totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
