This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize