im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
