So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
