I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
