I just cut my nipple shaving
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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