Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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