she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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