Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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