Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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