She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
