**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
