She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
