see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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