I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
