My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
