I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
