Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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