mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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