This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
