yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize