we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho