White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.