I can tuck mytits in my pants
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
no you cant smoke seaweed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.