Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"