You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize