the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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