I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
