Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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