i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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