i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
