if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
