Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
