If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
